An endless wound, Grows whenever I recall this memory. Wish I could erase it. Everytime it comes as a horrible flashback that pushes me into a very bad mode once I see. Moments of fear and inability during the innocent childhood could break something inside that time doesn’t heal. “I was one of them”
Touches that broke my personal barrier, years passed and I grew older, I recalled the incident and deciphered it based on the findings I made. The more I knew, the more unpleasant my interpretation became. Later, I learned that it was called “child sexual abuse,” to be the victim but cover up the abuse in your mind.
A man in his seventies, sitting beside me waiting for the bus, tried to feel my body with suspicious gentleness, and tried to lure me to his place with video games. Strained and confused, I refused his offer saying my dad was waiting me. Continued his touches and suddenly shocked when he grabbed my hand and placed it on his genitals. For a moment I couldn't do anything then succeeded to flee across the road. I don’t remember how I got home at that time, I didn’t speak about what happened years and years, I could be the one to blame at the end.
According to studies from Darkness to Light, an organization working to prevent sexual abuse of children, about one in 10 children will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday, and another statistics says one out of six boys and one out of four girls are subjected to sexual abuse during childhood.
A child may be subjected to sexual abuse or exploitation at home, at school or in their community. Most often, abuse occurs at the hands of someone a child knows and trusts.
About 90% of children who are victims of sexual abuse know their abuser.
“You broke a huge part of me. Why did you do it? Did you think I was too young to remember? I’ve been trying to find an answer to many question for too long, but I always find my way back to confusion” A part of Mariam’s message to him.
Mariam 21 years old had suffered from sexually abuse when she was in her fifth, in family visiting to her home and he was willing to take a nap so they invite him to take it in her bed, “ I was so excited that he will be my guest in my room so i was showing him my room my games then went to bed together” because her exciting she didn’t sleep directly but surprising there is something wrong went happened from her loved grandfather.
“Sadly I’m coming to a point where I’m starting to forget all the good memories of you, they’re fading away, but what’s not fading away is the awful memory that you gave me, and the flashbacks that never go away no matter how hard I try” another part of her message to her grandfather.
In a very narrow dark crowded pedestrian crossing tunnel eleven years old Sally was facing the most shocked ever in her life when she felt something wrong touching her back so suddenly turned to find someone holding his penis and masturbating.
“it was the first time I have seen the penis I got shocked and felt dumb till the end of the tunnel then running to the home without saying anything to anybody”
Sally is 30 years old and she had suffering of child harassing more than time, first time she was in fifth grade and it happened from her teacher who coming home to give her a private math lesson after he convince her mom that she needs to upgrade her skills, At the session her family used to empty the living room where they stay and the other beside rooms as well to have silence and focus and that was more than enough to do what he needs, every time he gets more closer and start touch her body“ I spent all semester suffering from that he offers come twice in a week instead once with the same fees, and every time he used to hold my shoulder and touches my leg from the thigh side and touching my cheeks and lips, I couldn’t understand what he doing or what he wants but i was feel very bad and stressed” she added.
Sally stopped that when she felt that he will never stops himself and he will keep doing that so She screamed at him and ask her mom to kick him out of the house, her mom asking what happened but she couldn’t express anything, so he gets nervous but manages to convince her mother that Sally doesn’t want to learn and she will fail at the exam. Then he leaves the house without being blamed..
“ I still feel his touch on my legs and shoulder, smell the cigarette smell that's stuck in his clothes, every time I remember the situation I spend all the day disgusting ” Sally said.
Sally suffered sexual harassment a lot in her life but she was always have a courage to faced that with yelling or talking and saying expressing what happening so somehow feeling she could take her right so it takes a bit time and passing away contrary to what happened during the childhood she wasn’t able to do anything just silence so it's still annoying her and will stay as she said.
The most hurtful thing is when it comes from the closest one ever to the child and it’s not only a heart broken but it’s almost life broken. could be committed by the closest people within the family, According to a statistics Approximately 30% of children who are sexually abused are abused by family members, and About 60% of children who are sexually abused are abused by people the family trusts.
Maya 15 years old, sleeping in her bed with her father because on this day they are alone at home so he asked her to sleep with her this night because he missed her, she sleeps in her right side and he is hugging her from back and talked a bit then the time to sleep and everything going well and surprising her father trying to harass her by putting his hand on her reproductive organ when.
When you sleep at your bed in your home so it should be a safe place and when you being within your father arms in your bed so it’s the most safest place in the world but when you discover that your dad is starting to sexual abusing you so this world does not deserve to live.
“ In conjunction with his touch to a very sensitive place for any girl, he broke inside me all the noble meanings related to the father and i rose up from his side and wanted him to leave my whole life forever, but this step postponed for a period of time cause i was young and we were living in Saudi Arabia at this time” Maya said.
Maya (pseudonym), 25 years old, an Egyptian, born in Saudi Arabia. She has 4 sisters, her father and mother separated from her childhood. She suffered from harassment three times, once by her stepbrother when she was 8 years old and twice by her father when she was 13 and 15 years old.
She backs to Egypt after the incident and lived with her mom, Maya suffered from various psychiatric illnesses and she many failed suicide attempts, She stayed to psychiatric clinics more than once for a long time and suffered from neglect and trafficking inside until she met a distinguished doctor who treated her with human dignity and she continues to follow up with her.
A few hours before sunset on the outskirts of Giza Governorate, Great Cairo, in one of the major agricultural villages, Mayada 4 years old was playing next to the house with her two years older brother, and here is a man from their neighbors in his thirties starts talking to them and convinces that he will play with them, then he took Mayada and entered to the bathrooms of the mosque next to the house away from her brother and their friends eyes then she surprised when he start taking her clothes off, and raping her then the perpetrator slaughtered her when she screamed for help.
“I don't know who I am, I am a gay or straight, I didn’t had a chance to choose or even discover myself, maybe if they didn’t do that I was became different” this how Yassin Mohamed started his talk.
Yassin Mohamed 28 years old is an Egyptian artist, based in Cairo, he was born in a small village in Giza that he loved its nature but doesn’t love its people.
Village from 11 small houses surrounded with greens. Less than 100 meters from home inside the banana trees farm was the first time one of the rapist succeeded to have complete sex with the eight-year-old Yassin after two years of preludes sex and masturbating.
“ I was 6 years old when they start, they was three adults and we ware two kids we used to shower all together and it was incomplete sex (touching our bodies and make me help them to masturbating) i couldn't understand what happen at the time I thought its a game we play, after many times of failed attempts to put it in so one of them decided to make it a bit far of the home, so he lure me behind banana trees and rape me” Yassin said.
Yassin suffered this from 6 to almost 11 years old, they used to do that with him frequently, at the beginning he shocked and didn’t know what to do and was full in cry after they finish “ I found myself asking to have sex with enjoying at the same time of disgusting and hated myself, I couldn't stop that or even tell anybody because my dad was out for work all the day and when back home he was fighting a lot with us”
Yassin suffers from bipolar and ADHD and he tries a lot to follow up with psychologists but every time it does not work, sometimes he stops to go and sometimes they ask him to stop but he believes that most of them are unable to diagnose his condition or deal with his illness.
“last time they did that with me I was almost 11 years old and they take me to their older cousin to rape me and he did that In a very brutal painful way, then I released that I should stop that with anyway so I left the home and all village for first time because of them”
Yassin decided to write a Facebook post about all the problems that he suffered from then talked to me and that helped him to kind of pass it as he said and now back to focus on his talent and the work to forget all that and continue in his career.
